Today, Nov. 22

I achieved all my goals today except for writing. I ended up doing a massive clean up of the kitchen. I still do not understand why the IPad and tortilla wraps were on top of the refrigator and how a Capri Sun ended up on the top of the cabinet. I don't think I want to know, though. I might not be the only crazy person in this house.

I bleached the walls, organized the spices and cleaned the pantry. We have a ground cinnamon spice bottle that I do believe has lasted since the sixties. The word Cinnamon is written in a great flourish with stars beside it, kinda like the Bewitched slogan. In fact, every time I look at it, the Bewitched slogan has gone through my mind. I told my mother we had three bottles of dill weed and had four but I threw one away. She said, "But, it still had some left." Correction: it had a pinch left and now it's gone, baby, gone. Like I said, I am not the only one crazy in this household.

Mom is a hoarder. She hides it well. We have spices on top of spices that we have had since my childhood. We have medications that were my father's. He left the household when I was thirteen. I am thirty-five now. She won't throw them away because they might still be effective. The therapist asked why I had saved the medications I took like it wasn't normal. I thought everyone saved medications. Evidently, "normal" families don't. Who knew? Evidently, I am not a hoarder. I just had a subconscious desire to kill myself ions ago and was waiting for the day. Considering it took years to save up the concotion I took, it will be years in the future before I can again. And no doctor is giving me Valium or Zanax or Loratabs with my history. Not bitter. At all.

All in all, though, I had a great day. A really great day. I felt normal for the first time in ages. I was trying to think of the last time I have felt like my old self again and it has to be early August perhaps. It is like Eninem says, in Love the Way You Lie, "I'm Superman with the wind at his back." Haven't we all felt that way at some point? Of course, I worry that is the start of a manic stage (even though, this week, I am a depressive not bipolar) or that I will relapse or I will fuck it up but I am trying to enjoy it.