My therapist suggested I find better coping mechanisms then writing. Apparently, writing is too much a fall-back. Of course, this was the therapist that quit me so I am going to ignore her advice.
My goal for this month is to prepare for the GRE, apply for graduate school and apply for my FASA. I am going to graduate school for a graduate degree in religious history. No, I have no clue what I will do with it and it is scary but wonderful. One of my major problems in my first round of college was I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Guess what one of my major problems is now? Yep. I am still at a loss. I was always interested in English, religion and history but I did not want to teach, be a minister, or be a lawyer. So, I am going to do it as a quest in knowledge and quit fretting. I have not told anyone-just my mother who was strangely supportive. My father will freak.
I am enjoying being home. Blackjack and I walk about a mile and a half a day. I volunteer, sprodiacally write and think of business ideas. Right now, I have not been alone much since the kids either have snow days or the flu. Tis awful. Very awful.
I will try to write more regularly. I am starting to have panic attacks again and it is making me nervous. I also have accepted that I have really odd sleep patterns and always have. In the morning, I am very sluggish and right now-9:00 at night-I am wide awake and raring to go. I am going to quit fretting about it. It is OK to sleep differently than other people. I am home and I can sleep however I want right now.
If I have never said thank you to you guys, well....thank you. I have gone from wanting to end my life to actually wanting to live it. I can't imagine depriving you guys of my fab presence!
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